The Thomas Murphy Monologues

Last night I went with some lovely ladies (mum, Kirsty, Jen and Jaz) to The Vagina Monolgues. The local Women’s Centre was presenting it as a fundraiser for V Day.

The play begins with the women talking aout the word Vagina and all the different names in many cultures. (Sorry Dave, there was no moot, they had twat for the Townsville word, which while I thought accurate as a commonly used local word, was not entirely indigenous). Damn, there are lots of words for Vagina.

One they missed, was Thomas Murphy.

Why Thomas Murphy?

At a Sex Ed class at my niece’s high school the teacher (man, how patient must you be to teach Sex Ed to a room full of teenagers?) called all the students up to the Whiteboard. She wrote the words Penis and Vagina on the board and told them to write underneath them all the different words used to describe genitals. She wanted them to get them off their chest before they got around to the serious business of learning about Sex. One by one they approached the board and filled it with words. The teacher then stood in front of the class and read out the words.

‘Pussy, twat, cunt, Thomas Murphy.’

The class cracks up into laughter. The teacher asks why they are laughing. One boy raises his hand and says ‘That’s my name.’ She shakes her head and says dryly, ‘Well Thomas, why would you write your name under Vagina?’

Thomas Murphy wrote the word ‘cunt’ on the board. To secure his status as a deadset legend for writing ‘cunt’ he put his name underneath, so there would be no doubt as to who was the cunt scribe.

Me, I suspect that’s the closest young Thomas is coming to a Vagina for some time.

So now, there is a subsection of people who use Thomas Murphy as a euphemism for cunt. I like to say things like, ‘Some Thomas Murphy stole my park.’

Spread the word.